i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
