Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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