Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
