whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
