you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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