I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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