I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
