weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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