Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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