his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He passed out mid-signature
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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