you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
