at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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