nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
