He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
