i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
