im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
