I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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