Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
