If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize
