you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
