It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Randomize
