just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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