I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
