I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Let's get the cat blown out
How does one acquire holy water?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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