I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
