did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Randomize
