I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
