Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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