i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
