Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
