I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
