Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Even my vagina gasped.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
