dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
