The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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