White coat. Heels.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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