I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize