It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He kissed a someone with a penis
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
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