we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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