So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
