if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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