there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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