Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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