it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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