I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize