Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
