thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
