and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
