at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
