Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
