Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
