dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
