she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
