shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just pee around me
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
