Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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