Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
