O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
