Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize