saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
