Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
