So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
