I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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