Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
