Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
whose parrot is this?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
