I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
