you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Randomize
