i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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