Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
