I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i will never coherently bang her
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize