i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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