Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
