It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
