Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
