Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
