I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My balls are so social today.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
