dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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