i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
