none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
