Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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