I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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