My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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