you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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