His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
