I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
There's even glitter on my cock...
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