WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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