we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Soap is not a condiment
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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