Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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