It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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