Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize