i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
