You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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