last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
