My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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