I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
false alarm. still invincible.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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