When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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