I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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