I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
